my Reading

~~~ i work with Fairy Oracles i cannot use arcana cards they hurt me physically when i use them or am around when they are used.  This reading i used my Oracle of the Dragonfae.  This is not a deck i use often in fact i do not remember purchasing this deck and found them in my tarot drawer and do not know where they came from.

~~~ That being said i got a great reading from them that really nailed things for me.


~~~ Card 1 - The Past - Lady Una's Magick: Synchronize with lunar time and energy: This card is talking about working with the cycles of the moon to find what i hid from myself and to find my true self.  This is something i have been doing though because of the weather i have not been able to get out in the moon light like i would like to.

~~~ Card 2 - The Present - The Dawn Watcher: Bells will ring: This card is talking about having problems with authority figures and wanting to leave school before i am doing learning. Considering i am taking this semester off because i was burned out and need to see a doctor about my migraines i would say that is pretty dead on.

~~~ Card 3 - The Future - The Blue Lady: Nothing is impossible: (Reversed) For me a card being reversed means that there is block there and something that needs to be freed so that i can move forward with my life. This card is talking about allowing others fears to overshadow my intuition and my hopes for the future. i have been doing this. i know what i feel about certain situation and where my intuition says it is going to go but the other person is speaking through their fear and doubt and i am allowing that to cause me to doubt what i feel. This card tells me that it is my role to break through to the other reality this lifetime. I think that means that i have to help them break through their fears and see what is meant to be and that fear only holds us back from what is planned for us.

~~~ Now i need to figure out how to do this without pushing to hard and too much. If i push too much they will withdraw into their shell and hide behind their fear and depression. Somehow i have to slowly pull them out and get them to see that i see what happened in the past i have accepted that part of me and healed the hurt that was there and am no longer in that place or that person. Yes my past is always part of me but i have learned from it and grown and am a new and stronger person. And that they can do same thing. They are not their past but their past is only a small part of them.

Things Have Been Very Busy

~~~ Things have been very busy in my life and i have not had much time to post anything so i am taking the time tonight to try to post on all of my blogs. 

~~~ my religion has not changed though i do not cover, nor do i wear skirts all the time. In fact i hardly wear them at all even though i do love them.  i have come to the conclusion that i do not need to wear something to prove that i believe something. What i believe is for me and not for anyone else.

~~~ i have fallen behind on setting up my altar like i have wanted to and with the change of the season from Winter to Spring i hope to set up my new seasonal altar and and get myself back into the habit of setting up and using my daily altar as well. Things have fallen behind and fallen apart here and i need to pick them up, or through them out and move forward with my life. Stagnation breads illness and that is not somewhere that i want to go. With the change of season and term Spring cleaning be more than just about cleaning the home i am looking forward to where my life and my believes are going to take me in the rest of this year and the years to come. 

~~~ On a side night i am still getting the message to wait from the Universe.  Though i think i have figured out what i am waiting for it does not mean that i am to stagnate in my life as i have been doing. my life has to move forward in order for the waiting to end and the next chapter to begin. i am waiting for the right person to be ready for my in their life as i will be ready for them. Every time i have tried to date another it has not worked and that has been what has thrown me into this depression and stagnation. i know that i have feelings for the person that i "waiting" for but i will admit honestly that i have been attracted to other people as well and they to me but when we try and get into a relationship it never works out. And so i wait some more and fall into wondering if i am truly meant to be waiting or meant to be alone. And hence the depression and stagnation start. 

~~~ Well i am not going to allow myself to stagnate any longer. i am going to move on and move forward. i am happy with who i am and where i am in some parts of my life and need to work on my happiness in other aspects of my life. It is an ever on going process and things are not as bad as they may seem from what i have written but things can be better than what they are right now. 

~~~ i am going to try and start doing a daily tarot reading for myself and simply ask what it is that i need to know about this day. i will try to remember to take a picture of each spread and share what meanings that i draw from it here. .... Small steps that lead to a great new journey and a new understanding of my life.

Thor

One of my biggest fears is lightning. i have been trying to face this fear and a very dear friend of mine has been giving me some ideas.  Now every time there is a storm i put out a small bowl of honey as a sacrifice for Thor. As i do not drink alcohol it would not be a sacrifice for me to poor out a beer to him but i do use honey in my tea and he uses it in his mead. So i give him some honey every time there is a storm here and i am at home.  i feel better after doing this but i am still terrified.  my chest hurts and i get so tired after a storm. i have had to drive in a few storms and that really wears me out. There have been times my anxiety is so bad during a storm i have had to pull over to the side of the road and wait it out but that does not help much either as i am still out in the storm. Most of the time i try to call one of my friends and talk to them while i am driving so that i have to concentrate on the conversation and the road and it seems to help but my friends say my conversations with them when i do this do not make any sense.  They go along with it because they understand but i feel bad. 

i just wish i was not so terrified of lightning, hiding every time there is storm does not do me any good and it really does not help if i am at school when there is a storm my professors are understanding but i cannot miss class and i cannot disrupt it either. Thus why i am trying so hard to work on facing my fears. i hope to not be terrified at all in the future but even if i cannot completely get rid of the fear i am hoping to be able to control it enough that i can get through my every day life without being paralyzed by every storm.

And So i Wait

~~~~ Ever feel like the Universe is telling you to wait? Get on with the rest of your life but to wait in one area? That is how i feel right now. (Shannon i know you know what i am talking about with this.)  i gave my heart to someone several years ago and we tried to be in a relationship during a rough time in both of our lives and it affect our relationship and we are no longer together. Very long story and i made some mistakes that i am not proud of but i know they were my fault. But back to the point. It has been a couple of years since we broke up and he is still in my heart and i can still feel when he is near or upset. We have/had such a connection between us. 

~~~~ Now i have tried to date other people but every time i try it does not work. i mean at all. Only a couple of dates and then they just disappear out of my life. No Call, No Show, No Text, No Messages, No Anything from them. Just poof they are gone no reason or explanation given. And this happens every time. Even the guys that say if this does not work out we will still be friends are gone. 

~~~~ i know the questions most of you are asking. So lets address those.

1) How fast do i move? ---- Not very fast at all. i do not jump into bed with them nor do i use the Love word with them. That word is very very special to me and gets thrown around way to much.

2) Do i cling to them or come across as too needy? ---- i do not think i do. i have learned that i am a very strong woman and can take care of myself and i do that.

3) Do i push them away? ----  NO, i do not push them away i want them to stay close that is why i have let them into my life even as a friend. i can be very guarded when it comes to my life and if i let you in then that is because i want you there. (Okay, yes i post things on here but only 2 people who read this even know my real name and who any of  the people mentioned on here are. That is why i do not use real names for anyone.)

4) Do i compare them to Him? ---- No, i never compare people to other people because everyone is different and their own person..

~~~~ i have meditated about this and asked the Universe about it as well and i get the intuition that i am to wait for Him. i have consulted my cards and asked others to consult theirs and we have all gotten the same answers. (Sorry, but i do not share the answers of a reading with others) i have even dreamed about doing a reading and got a really strong answer that when i woke up i still remembered it and felt as if i had done the reading and not just drempt it. i feel i am to wait for him to be ready because he is the one i am meant to be with. That he is my soul mate and we are connected in so many ways. 

~~~~ With messages as strongly as i have been getting them about waiting that is what i am going to do. i trust my intuition when it is this strong and i have done as much as i have to ignore it and go against it and yet i still feel it. i have even had dreams of my relatives who have pasted telling me to wait for him. i do not know what else i can do and so i wait.  

~~~~ i know he has tried to date other women since we broke up and that it has never worked out for him as well. A couple of dates and then it was over. Sometimes on his side and sometimes on theirs. If he finds another that makes him happy and who he is meant to be with then i will be very happy for him because in the end all we can ask for, for the people in our lives (Hearts)  is for them to be happy, healthy, loved, and safe.

~~~~ i know this could have gone on my other blog as well as it is not much about what i meant this blog to be about but i tried to write it there first and the words would not come out right. So when i tried to write it here because i felt compelled to write it the words just flowed they may not make any sense they are just what is in my head and i needed to get out.

It is a Pentacle NOT The Star of David and NOT the Sign of Satan

 Contrary to what you may have been told, this religious symbol is used by a large number of people who share a common belief in the sanctity of life. They do not sacrifice living things for any reason. They do not worship the Christian Satan, nor do they revere any similar figure; most do not even recognize the existence of Satan. They do not cast spells to cause evil to befall others. They believe that causing evil will bring evil back to the one who causes it. Their religion is based on nature, and is founded on the belief that the whole world is interrelated, that everyone is responsible for their own actions, and that peace, love, and tolerance for everyone should be encouraged everywhere.

~~~~ It has FIVE points not six, therefore it is not the Star of David and i am NOT Jewish.. It is NOT the sign of the devil or Satan. i do NOT even believe in Satan that is a Christian invention. i am NOT a Satanist, who by the way, also do not worship the Devil or Satan but themselves. They believe all their power comes from themselves and that they are worthy of worship. 

~~~~ i have really gotten tired of hearing and seeing people use the pentagram or pentangle or pentacle as a "sign of evil." It is not the form of the devil or the sign of a Satanist. Even when i was a member of a Christian church i was taught that it was the symbol of the devil and i believed it at the time because that is what i was told by my Sunday School Teacher. Until i was older and did the research for myself. 

~~~~ i have seen this on everything from books to TV shows to reality TV and it has really struck a nerve with me. i am just absolutely sick of it. Christians use the cross as a sign of Christ and religion when it was a device used to torture people. Do you know what happens to a person when they are crucified? Their ribcage collapses in on itself after the body becomes too exhausted to hold it up any longer and the person suffocates to death and as they do so the ribcage continues to fall and crushes the internal organs causing the bowel to split open and release everything from the body. It is excruciatingly painful and disgusting and the person is usually still conscious as this happens. Yet they use it as a religious symbol and condemn the pentacle which is the symbol of the five elements earth, air, fire, water, and spirit.

~~~~ i am tired of being looked down upon because i wear my pentacle around my neck. i have taken to wearing it on a longer chain and keeping it tucked inside my shirt so that i do not get the rude comments and evil stares that seem to come my way when others see it. i have actually had people walk up to me while i was working in a major store and ask me if i knew what my necklace meant and if i was a Satanist. When i told them that i did know what it meant and that i am not a Satanist. That my necklace simply represented the five elements i was told i was wrong and that they did not want me helping them and went to another register or to another person for help. my manager actually tried to tell me not to wear it to work any more. i very politely told him if he was going to ask that of me then he needed to ask that of everyone who worked there and wore a cross around their neck including himself. Now i no longer work for that store, not because of this but for other reasons, but i was very offended when this happened.

**** Copied from Wikipedia:

Christianity

The pentagram is used as a Christian symbol for the five senses, and if the letters S, A, L, V, and S are inscribed in the points, it can be taken as a symbol of health (from Latin salus). Medieval Christians believed it to symbolize the five wounds of Christ. The pentagram was believed to protect against witches and demons. The pentagram figured in a heavily symbolic Arthurian romance: it appears on the shield of Sir Gawain in the 14th century poem Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. As the poet explains, the five points of the star each have five meanings: they represent the five senses, the five fingers, the five wounds of Christ, the five joys that Mary had of Jesus (the Annunciation, the Nativity, the Resurrection, the Ascension, and the Assumption), and the five virtues of knighthood which Gawain hopes to embody: noble generosity, fellowship, purity, courtesy, and compassion. Most Christians, probably due to their misinterpretation of symbols used by ceremonial magicians, came to associate it with Satanism and subsequently rejected the symbol sometime in the twentieth century.

Mormonism

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has used pentagrams and five-pointed stars in Temple architecture, specifically the Nauvoo Illinois Temple and the Salt Lake Temple. These symbols derived from traditional morning star pentagrams that are no longer commonly used in mainstream Christianity.

Judaism

The pentagram was the official seal of the city of Jerusalem for a time. Due to the similarity of the star shapes, it is occasionally confused with the Star of David by those unfamiliar with the symbols.

Neopaganism

Many Neopagans, especially Wiccans, use the pentagram as a symbol of faith similar to the Christian cross or the Jewish Star of David. It is not, however, a universal symbol for Neopaganism, and is rarely used by Reconstructionists. Its religious symbolism is commonly explained by reference to the neo-Pythagorean understanding that the five vertices of the pentagram represent the four elements with the addition of Spirit as the uppermost point. As a representation of the elements, the pentagram is involved in the Wiccan practice of summoning the elemental spirits of the four directions at the beginning of a ritual. The outer circle of the circumscribed pentagram is sometimes interpreted as binding the elements together or bringing them into harmony with each other. The Neopagan pentagram is generally displayed with one point up, partly because of the "inverted" goat's head pentagram's association with Satanism; however, within traditional forms of Wicca a pentagram with two points up is associated with the Second Degree Initiation and in this context has no relation to Satanism. Because of a perceived association with Satanism and also because of negative societal attitudes towards Neopagan religions and the "occult", many United States schools have sought to prevent students from displaying the pentagram on clothing or jewelry. In public schools, such actions by administrators have been determined to be in violation of students' First Amendment right to free exercise of religion.

i have found a couple stickers online that really sum all of this up.  

(Need i say more?)

(Just in case i do)

 

Wearing Skirts All The Time

~~~~ i am seriously thinking about wearing long skirts like these and some others all the time. There are only a couple of things making me question this seriously. One is the cold. my body does not handle the cold very well and it ends up leaving me in a lot of pain. The other is when i go for my bike rides and walks. Walking in a skirt is not so bad even for long walks but with my bike rides i do not want the skirt getting caught in the chain or tires. 

~~~~ i love the feeling of being in a skirt and i guess that i can wear leggins under my skirts when it is cold to help keep me warm but i do not like wearing short skirts so i still do not know what to do about bike rides. Maybe i will keep jeans and caprices for when i go for my bike rides. i think this is what i am going to start doing but i may still will jeans more often to school right now just because it maybe a little more reasonable with everything i have to carry and take with me all the time. 

~~~~ The other thing is i will need to get some shoes to go with my skirts i do not want to be wearing high heels all the time or sandals with the snow and cold. i do not like the look of skirts with gym or tennis shoes. i think it just looks sloppy so i need to find some good Mary Jane's or clogs that look good with all of my skirts and the ones that i am going to get as well. 

~~~~ i am going to meditate on this one for a while as well as the head covering and see what i feel is truly right for me. Right now i am trying to find what is me and who i am growing to be and these little things are all a big part of that. 

To Cover or Not to Cover...

That is the question. i have been debating on wearing a head covering when i am out in public but i am not sure if that is what i want to do. Right now i usually wear my hear back in a bun so no one really knows how long it is (almost to by butt). But do i want to wear a head covering or not? i already get strange looks when people find out i am of Middle Eastern descent. i do not care what others think of me but i also do not want to deal with prejudices and miss-conceptions because i cover my head.

i have a very dear friend who has recently decided to cover her head because she has felt drawn to it. i am very proud of her for following her desires but i am still trying to figure out what is right for me. And if i do cover my head what kind of covering do i want to use? i think they are beautiful and that the women of whatever culture that wear them of their own free choice are very devoted. i just do not know it is for me yet. Maybe i will give it a try and see how i feel about it.